Episode 9 Part 2

[Eddie McGee]

THE SHOWMANCE
Story Time

Sarah
: okay once upon a time
: there was a beautiful princess named Sarah
: :-P

Eddie
: awww

Sarah
: and she lived in the kingdom of Warzone

Eddie
: that sounds like a shitty kingdom

Sarah
: lol
: it was a scary kingdom

Sarah
: and in this kingdom there were several other interesting characters
: there was a one-legged knight named Eddie
: he was handsome and very funny

Eddie
: he's probably very awesome

Sarah
: there was a wizard named Chelsbot
: who could grant people special powers
: there was another knight named Nathan
: he was very cocky
: because he always won the jousting matches

Eddie
: I don't think he's a knight
: probably a fake knight whose profession is probably douche

Sarah
: lol
: whose story is this?

Eddie
: sorry sorry
:

Sarah
: so one day the Wizard of the kingdom
: or Wizardess
: Chelsbot
: granted Sarah a wish
: just because Sarah deserved it :-)
: she gave Sarah a box called Pandora
: and gave her a key to get into that box
: Sarah was soooo happy

Eddie
: yay!

Sarah
: because she wanted to live in the kingdom with her friends
: but she needed to get rid of her enemies
: one by one
: and she thought maybe what was in the box could help her
: so she opened the box
: with the key
: and to her surprise there was another box, smaller, but locked
: it had three pictures on it
: and the wizardess told her that to open the b ox
: she needed to figure out a word that related to one of the pictures
: Sarah tried soooo hard
: but alas, nothing worked

Eddie
: oh no!

Sarah
: so Sarah was sad
: and a bit frustrated
: she really wanted this power

Eddie
: yeah!

Sarah
: oh i forgot that she did get into the first small box lol
: but there was another one inside
: anyway
: Sarah thought about it
: and she knew someone who was very good with these picture passwords
: because he had proven to be in a previous kingdom
: called warzone 2
: lol
: this person was...
: Nathan
: so she asked Nathan to help her
: and he agreed
: he was more than happy to help

Eddie
: but Nathan was douche uh oh
: this story is going bad places

Sarah
: and Sarah trusted Nathan not to take the power if he got into the box
: so
: Nathan looked at the pictures
: and right away
: he figured out the password
: Sarah was amazed!

Eddie
: OH YAYZ

Sarah
: so she opened the next box
: and lo and behold!
: there was another box
: and to get into this box there was another password
: to get it she would have to do all these math squares
: :-P
: Sarah hates math

Eddie
: fuck math squares

Sarah
: and even though she tried
: she was very slow
: and Nathan did like 6
: lol
: while she did 1
: and finally - they got into the box
: well, Sarah got in first
: with the password
: so she claimed the power and sent proof to Chelsbot
: and it was rightfully hers
: yay

Eddie
: YAY!

Sarah
: so everyhting was fine in the kingdom for a while
: but Sarah knew she couldn't let Nathan stay there for very long

Eddie
: quite right

Sarah
: and Eddie reallly didn't like Nathan

Eddie
: he didn't

Sarah
: and tried to remove Nathan from the kingdom
: unsuccessfully

Eddie
: that's probably because Eddie is hot

Sarah
: lol
: probably
: so one day Sarah was sitting on a rock by the brook, skipping stones into the water
: and watching them splash
: and sweet Sarah had a not so nice idea

Eddie
: UH OH!

Sarah
: she really needed Nathan to leave the kingdom
: but he was just too good at all the games
: and would never leave
: so Sarah decided she might have to use her power on Nathan

Eddie
: OH!

Sarah
: but she felt so bad thinking about this
: at first she thought - no, I can't do that after I promised
: but then one day
: while she was reading archives of her time in a past kingdom with Nathan
: she saw the mad scribblings of a witch
: an ugly, evil witch
: named Jessica

Eddie
: ew

Sarah
: who was cackling and laughing about how Nathan had manipulated Sarah in the other kingdom
: and this made Sarah start to think
: she was never going to take Nathan to the castle to live with her forever in teh kingdom
: and he was never going to take her there
: they both knew this
: so she should probably do what she needed to do for herself this time

Eddie
: it's the 21st century and even princesses need to be strong and independent
: I understand
Sarah
: and not let Nathan get to the castle with someone else
: lol
: so she did
: and she got to the castle with Eddie
: and they lived happily ever after
: The END

Eddie
: AWWWWWWWW

Sarah
: LOL
: did you like that story?

Eddie
: I really like that story

Sarah
: lol

Eddie
: its like Knight Eddie is like me
: and Princess Sarah is like you

Sarah
: oh yeahhh

Eddie
: and we're like in the final 2 or something!

Sarah
: I never drew that parallel
: but you're right lol

Eddie
: and Nathan is like OUR NATHAN

Sarah
: lol yeah!

Eddie
: will you use the power on him?
: and how will that make him go away

Sarah
: I believe so

[Eddie McGee]

NATHAN vs EDDIE

PART 4

So Sarah used her power on Nathan, effectively making Nathan paralyzed for a round...kind of like his cryogenic freezing except without the safety. Beforehand though, Sarah got Roddy, Lydia, Will, and I into a chat room to officially select Nathan as the 7th place target.


Will won HOH and according to plan put up Nathan. Lydia went next to Nathan but Roddy used the veto, so Will replaced Lydia with Renny.


Thus Nathan was screwed and got voted off.


The really sad part of this tale?


Sarah had Nathan solve her hardest puzzles to obtain the power. He could have stolen the power if he had so chosen.

Nathan leaves for being a Saint.
Eddie wins for being a Sinner.

[Eddie McGee]

Strategy Advice with Eddie: ALL-STARS EDITION

Chapter 7

Today on Strategy Advice with Eddie, we'll take you calls. Here's one now.

"Hello can I speak with Eddie McGee?"

Who is calling?

"You've been selected to receive a complete satellite system for free"

To orbit my fucking planets?

"I'm sorry sir...this is a Direct TV satellite package for your television viewing."

I'm too hot for a TV, call me when you got something that can orbit my ball sack

"Sir...wait...are you Eddie McGee from that reality show?"

Fuck yeah

"My wife is a huge fan, how are you doing today?"

Your wife would be a huge fan and I'm doing fucking great.


My alliance, Hell's Angels, has stayed strong and is now 50% of this whole house. We manipulated and sneaked our way through a ton of potential mishaps and no one seems to suspect the Eddie and Roddy/Lydia connection yet.

Also my showmance, Sarah, took the lead role in executing her douchey ex lover Nathan. Nathan's charm was great but Eddie's mind and assets were just too stimulating for Sarah to ignore, so she got with Eddie and threw the garbage on the way out.

Nathan, in the words of Mr. T, I pity the fool...and thus I pity you. That's my woman you helped get the fucking Pandora safe that sent your ass out. That's my alliance you thought you were working with. Oh and by the way, thanks for letting my alliance member Roddy know what Will's Pandora Power is...we were totally wrong on that. You totally helped my game on the way out.

So what strategy advice can be extracted from the tragedy of Nathan's fall at final 7 in these All-Stars. At first sight...maybe the tragedy was unavoidable...but oh wait...

I do have some strategy advice...




NATHAN YOU UNDERESTIMATED THE WRONG MOTHERFUCKER!





YOU FUCK WITH EDDIE...YOU LOSE!





This has been Strategy Advice with Eddie.

[Eddie McGee]

Goodbye Message -- Nathan

Nathan you were a worthy enemy. In hindsight you made the right nominations last week knowing what you did (or at least thought you did) about Will's power. Your only mistake was helping Sarah get her power. I can't understand why you didn't steal it and pretend you never opened it...or didn't steal it and didn't open it...but I guess that's why you're a Saint and I'm a Sinner.